Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
