Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
