She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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