You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize