and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
