Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
