sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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