i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
well I can't set my house on fire every night
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
