I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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