I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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