i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
