You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
