She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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