Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
