That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
