Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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