Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
