I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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