Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
