I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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