ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
