I'm going to jail i love you
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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