A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize