I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
you told grandpa to call you daddy
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
