New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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