dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
