Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize