I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
