Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
