is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
