If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
