i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
