I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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