she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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