Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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