Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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