I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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