Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
organizing the empties. That sober.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
