I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize