We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
