Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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