Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
