remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
