If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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