"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
