the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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