I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
