It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize