Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
