why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
