I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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