Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
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