I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize