I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
