OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
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