Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
