remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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