Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
