I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
