He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
