i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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