Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Randomize
