Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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