A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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