This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
