sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize