I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
