I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
