in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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