Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
