but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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