My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
