btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Randomize
