Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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