I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
