I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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